Unfinished Year

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Another hour and 2014 will be over.

I’m not ready. Too many loose ends. Too many unfinished projects. Too many issues left unresolved. Too many decisions still to be made.

The feeling that time is running out fills me with anxiety. I’m scared at the thought of having to start a new year so soon.

I know it’s just a date on a calendar and that nothing ‘real’ is going to happen in an hour except that the clock will keep ticking and a new date will appear in the corner of my computer screen.

But still, I feel very apprehensive about this. Like everything is about to change.

I can’t remember ever feeling so nervous about it before.

Just this year. It seems so huge.

I will probably hear fireworks in the distance at midnight. I know that people out there will be celebrating and happy. They will smile as they look back at the year that is ending. They will smile more as they look optimistically and hopefully into the year about to begin.

I’m just doing what I’ve done for the last few weeks: just waiting for ‘normal programming to resume’. This holiday is like a dark tunnel between episodes of everyday life. I can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel yet, but maybe it will come into view soon. Or maybe it won’t. I really have no idea about the future. If it follows the usual pattern, then eventually children will return to school, adults will return to work, activities suspended for the holidays will begin again, people will return home from holidays…… and then before we realise it’s happened again, Christmas 2015 will be here and the trip through the tunnel will have to be repeated.

Tomorrow will be ‘New Year’s Day’. Another black hole in between two sleeps.

I want to wish you a ‘Happy New Year‘, not just for the sake of custom, but because I really do hope it is happy for you. It would be lovely to imagine that someone out there is not feeling the way I’m feeling.

If you are feeling like me, perhaps together we can agree to forget that it’s happening. Just another day. Just another 24 hours to survive through. Maybe things will be better eventually, but we probably need to stick around a bit longer to find out.

My New Year’s resolution is to wake up on 1st January. Then I’ll take it from there just one day at a time.

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